co-workers

Co-workers… mostly they are great. But you know how it is. There’s always one or two.
Earlier this week one of em’ got me. I take the bus these days. With the new schedule, timing is important because of fewer buses and trains. Work is great in helping. If I get off at 5:25 I get the bus an am home by six. If i get off at 5:30 I catch the 6:00 and get home 6:45 or 7:00 if I miss the yellow line.
Last week my boss had a co-worker step in for me at 5:20. Except she didn’t. Walked by saying she was supposed to step in for me and would be back in a minute. Ten minutes later the boss escorts her to my station and inserts her with a scowl and an apology. Nothing from her. Self-centered twit was visiting with some friends in another part of the store. She was upset at having been interrupted. I rushed off to catch my bus and watched it glide by as I walked out the front door. Livid, I sat at the bus bench and fumed. Finally, in almost a black out I headed back into the store to give her a piece of my mind. Really, like in a dream. Watching myself head into disaster. Putting my foot in my mouth one more time.
As I entered the store, my boss headed me off with, “I’m sorry about the bus man. I’ve already spoken to her.” As I headed past him, “ Don’t do it Rick”. Whistles and buzzers going off. Man every time you do this you get in trouble. Did it anyways. Gave her a piece of my mind… in front of about six co-workers and customers. Let her have the full force of my rage at what an inconsiderate ……… she was.
Later, as I waited for the bus, sitting there head in hand, I knew full well that I owed her an amends. Here comes the bus. Tomorrow. First thing tomorrow.
All evening long, dread. Remorse. Guilt. Kinda sick to my stomach. You know, yucky yuck y. Tossing and turning. Knowing full well that even if she is inconsiderate, going off like that in front of everyone, was at the minimum not the right time or place.
Next day, I get to work a little bit nervous. Check the schedule. She comes in at 2:30. I’ll wait for her upstairs and do it immediately. Go down stairs and begin to ruminate about what a sow she is. Replaying every inconsiderate act I’ve seen of her over the last couple of years. “What the hell is wrong with this store that there aren’t consequences for her behavior? None. Not even when she….” The list ran on and on. Getting madder at her and at the bosses who hadn’t straightened her out.
Lunch. “I should really call my sponsor.” He’s so deaf though. No point in trying to talk on the phone. I’ve got this now. Amends to the bitch as soon as she shows up. Demand an apology from her. That’ll set it right.
2:30. Upstairs waiting and waiting. See she’s 15 minutes late. God damit, how can she have a job behaving like that? 3:00 and I finally see her and head over.
A pause here as I write this. Even I’m getting a little bit sick and tired of my whining here. I made amends. She thanked me and we went back to work. Except I didn’t feel any better. She hadn’t apologized. Or gotten into any trouble for messing up my day.
A couple of hours later as I continued my list of her transgression a minor miracle occurred. I paused, noticing how miserable I felt. Almost immediately I heard “YUK,” and “I don’t want to feel like this. I know how I want to feel.” And boom. I did. A big grin came over my face. “I really do know how I want to feel.” A tenderness swept over me. A quiet calm. The grin grew. Life became a joy.
It’s as if there were a pool of peace surrounding me at all times. And I just had to remember that it was there. Always. And always accessible when I remember.
Its days later now, and as I get caught in the shit of daily life, I’ve been able to remember and keep reminding myself. “I do know how I want to feel and be.” And there I am again. Surrounded by a quiet calm. Thank you God.